


how do you taxidermy a fish?

by claruh (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:37:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26333500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/claruh
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider
Kudos: 11





	how do you taxidermy a fish?

Dave felt someone touch his shoulder and flinched, “Goddamit- why do you always do that? Just say my name to get my attention.” Rose’s footsteps were basically silent, and him wearing headphones around the clock didn’t help much. 

“I came in to tell you to get ready for Eridan’s shit party.”

“I really do not want to go to that.”

“Me either, but come on. You need to socialize too.”

Dave’s expression became deadpan, “You’re just making me go to see John aren’t you.”

“No. Of course not.” Dave just stared at her through his shades. “You have to tell him at some point Dave.”

“Actually, I don’t, but thanks for the encouragement.” She glared at him. They stared at each other until Dave eventually caved, “Whatever, fine. I’ll go.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled at him, “We’re leaving at six.” 

-

As he started the engine Rose turned to him, “What?”

“Are you going to promise me you’ll at least try to say something?”

“Rose-“

“Dave it’s been like what- two years? Come on.”

“I can’t- I can’t just fucking tell him. You know his whole ‘I’m not a homosexual’ schtick.”

Rose sighed, “I’m tired of listening to your sad ramblings about him. It’s really weird.”

“First off, I do not sadly ramble. Second off, if I did, it would not be weird.”

“Whatever you want to believe Dave.”

“Yeah, I think I will. We’re here.” He parked and turned to her.

“Figure it out, I believe in you.”

“Fuck you.” He got out of the car after her and knocked on the door. No one answered, so Rose just opened it and stepped inside.

“Now go find John.”

“I think I should at least say hi to Eridan-“

“I’ll do it.”

“Asshole.” He walked down the entrance hallway while she turned into the living room, hoping to find him socializing so he could just stand there and listen instead of actually- y’know- interact.

John spotted him first and waved to him, “You actually came!” He was standing with Karkat and Terezi who were too immersed in their own -argument- conversation to notice 

“Thought I should.” He smiled. “Didn’t want to leave you alone with-“

“Hey Dave.” Terezi grinned at him.

“Sup.”

“Surprising you actually came to a party and are interacting with people instead of being a complete wallflower.”

“Look if we want to talk wallflower look at Rose, not me. I, at least, look cool.”

“Shut up Strider.” Karkat rolled his eyes. 

“Fuc-“

John smiled and pushed into his shoulder, “I need a refill, come on.” Dave glared at him. As he was walking he glanced back to see Karkat flipping him off, and rolled his eyes. 

Dave followed him into the kitchen and stood awkwardly next to him as he poured- whatever that was- into his cup. 

John glanced upwards above the cabinets, “Eridan’s parents have uh- a nice taste in decor.” There was a huge decorative swordfish sitting on top of the cabinets on the far wall of the kitchen. 

Dave looked up, “Why would-“ He began to laugh. “Who would willingly put that in their house?” He looked over to John who was still staring at the fish. “John.”

“Yes?” 

“Do not touch that fish.”

“You’re so boring.”

“You’d probably get crushed under it!” He kept looking back at the fish and laughing. “Don’t fucking try-“

“If I get crushed, I can sue Eridan’s parents and make a ton of money.”

“You would not win that lawsuit.”

“Okay maybe not, but I’m strong!”

“Whatever you say.” 

“I’ll pick up something right now-“ Dave gave him a look. “That isn’t the fish.”

“What about the fish?” They both turned around and Aradia was standing behind them.

“Egbert here wants to take it.”

“You want- John.” She gave him the same look Dave did. “Eridan would literally kill you.”

“I won’t take the fish!” He laughed. “I just want to prove I’m strong enough to lift it.”

“How heavy could it be?” Dave gave Aradia a look, but she just smiled back at him.

“It’s stuffed right? How do they taxidermy fish?” He looked at Dave. 

“Do you think I know?”

“Just lift up Dave or something.” Aradia shrugged, and Dave glared at her. She was more than well aware of his huge crush on John, and he knew for a fact that’s why she suggested that. “As much as I’d really enjoy to watch you try and do that, I just need to get a drink.”

John hesitantly smiled at Dave, who just sighed. Aradia flashed a smile in their direction before heading out of the kitchen. 

“Egbert, you do not have to pick me up.”

“Now the idea is planted in my head and the seeds are sprouting. Oh! A whole forest has grown in my brain full of thoughts of picking you up.” 

“Will you annoy me about this the rest of the night if I say no?”

“Of course, what else would I do?” 

Dave smiled and rolled his eyes, “Fine. Go ahead.” John placed his hands on Dave’s hips and they made eye contact for a brief second, both their faces red. “Are you just going to-“ He looked back up at John’s face and then felt himself spin around. 

He set him down again, but hesitantly kept her hands on Dave’s hips, “See.” They both were smiling. 

“I’m definitely not as heavy as that thing though.” He glanced at John’s arms that were steady on his waist. 

“But I’m still strong. I can lift a human person.” 

“Fine, you’re strong.” John brought him into a hug, and Dave almost gasped. “Let’s go somewhere that doesn’t have a fish you can steal.”

“But then I can’t have a reason to pick you up anymore.” John regretted saying that immediately, but it was too late for that now. 

“What?” Dave was smiling, clearly confused. 

“I won’t have a reason to pick you up anymore.” He placed his hands back onto Dave’s hips. 

“I- alright. Uh, let’s go.” He removed John’s hands, knowing his face was red enough to indicate a reason. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I thought-“

“You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“You moved my hands.”

“That’s not because I didn’t like it-“ Dave had to restrain himself from cartoonishly covering his mouth. 

“You liked it?” John had a small smile on his face. 

Dave hesitated, “Did you?” 

“Why would I do it if not?” 

“Oh- I- uh.”

“I probably overstepped, I didn’t think about-“

“Egbert- Jesus christ. I’ve liked you for fucking months dude, did you not realize?”

“What?” He laughed. 

“You’re horribly oblivious.”

“Guess so.” He smiled. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

“I was just too scared I guess. With the whole ‘no homo’ shit you do.”

“Oh- yeah. I’m sorry about that.”

“You realize we would all accept you, right?”

“No- I know that. I don’t know why I kept going with that joke. I guess I kind of made it my thing.”

“Well now it’s very ironic.”

“You enjoy that I bet.”

“You know me so well.” Dave smiled. “Now come on, let's go somewhere without a fish.”

“Boooo.”

“God, you realize we just confessed to each other in front of a giant fish at fucking Eridan Ampora’s house.”

“It probably has secret cameras in its eyes, and its tracking our every move-“

“Shut up you dork.” John grabbed his hand and tugged him out into the hall and out the backdoor. “Where exactly are we going?”

“Outside.” They stepped onto Eridan’s porch and looked out into the well kept backyard. “Nice to get away from the smell of sand.”

“What the hell does sand smell like?”

“That house.”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t, but alright John.” He leaned up against the porch railing looking out into the Ampora's large backyard. “So-“

“Yeah.”

“I don’t really know what to do now.” Dave turned to John.

“Well, I don’t either.” He smiled and Dave just looked back into the yard to avoid eye contact. “We don’t have to like do anything if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to.”

“Oh- huh. I’m not exactly the most experienced person in this field of knowledge.” Dave laughed. “We both like each other, so I mean-“ He shrugged and Dave looked back to him, smiling. “What is it?”

“Just-“ He took John’s hand in his and walked down the steps of the raised porch into the lawn. He walked to where they were mostly hidden behind the porch, so people inside wouldn’t stare at them. He guided John’s hands to his hips and placed his on John’s face. “Is this alright?”

“Definitely, other than-“ He moved one of his hands upwards and took Dave’s shades off his face. Dave sighed, and looked back up at him slowly. “What exactly are we doing?”

“Oh my god-“ Dave laughed. His hands were still on John’s face, and he stood up taller, and kissed him. He was kissing John Egbert, the no homo king, at Eridan fucking Ampora’s party. They pulled apart and John was just staring at him grinning. “You good dude?”

“You did not just call me dude right after we kissed for the first time.” Dave dropped his hands and started to laugh. John began laughing too and soon they found themselves sitting side by side in the grass giggling to themselves. “You’re so stupid.”

“Says you! You didn’t know I was going to kiss you- like how obvious could I have been.”

John smiled, “Thank you Dave.”

“For what exactly?”

“I mean- you’re the person who made me realize my no homo bullshit was just because I was completely homo.”

He laughed, “Anytime Egbert.”

“Cool.”

“Agreed.” 

They sat in comfortable silence until John eventually leaned into Dave and rested his head on his shoulder. Dave looked at him and smiled.

“Dave?”

“Hm.”

He sat up and turned to Dave, “Are we still best friends?”

“Wh- what?”

“I mean- we kissed and we like each other like that does that mean we’re just like a couple and not-“

“John, I’ll be your best friend no matter what dude.”

“Now we’re just best friends who can kiss.”

“Hell yeah.” John leaned over and placed a hand on the side of Dave’s face. “You’re really slow.” Dave pulled him closer and kissed him again and could feel John smiling.

They broke apart, “Hey! I was trying to be romantic.”

“Boring.” He fake poutted and turned away from Dave. “You’re so stupid.” He laughed and turned John’s face towards him again.

“Are you going to tell Rose?”

“About- oh. Do you want me to?”

“I was going to tell Jane because she may or may not have been the one who put up with me talking about you all the time.”

“You talked about me?”

“No shit.”

“Rose says I sadly rambled to her.”

“You do do that.”

“I’m ignoring what you said because you said doo doo.”

“Oh my fucking god-“ He laughed and Dave just grinned. “You’re an idiot.”

“More than aware.” He heard the porch door open and heard Rose’s voice as she stepped outside.

“David Strider I swear to god if you’re hiding out here so you don’t have to talk to-“

“No! Rose, shut the fuck up.” He stood up quickly and looked over the top of the porch. 

She walked over to the railing and looked down, “What are you doing sitting- oh. Hi John.”

“Hi Rose.”

“So you did it.”

“I did.”

“Did what?” John looked in between the two of them. 

“Have fun Dave!” She headed back inside hastily.

“Was she talking about you telling me?”

“Maybe.”

“You had a whole plan? That’s really adorable.”

“It was not a plan, and do not call it adorable.” John stood up and placed a hand on the side of Dave’s face. He looked away from John. “Okay, fine. Maybe you’re allowed to call it adorable.”

“I’d much rather call you adorableee.” He got close to Dave’s face.

Dave pushed him away, “Jesus christ-“ He laughed. “Who gave you the right to make me all flustered and shit.”

John just smiled, “The United States Constitution.” He leaned in again, and Dave’s eyes widened before looking away.

“What amendment says that?”

“The 69th.” He grinned and Dave rolled his eyes dramatically. “Hey- I had to take the opportunity.”

“Of course you did. An absolute comedy genius you are.” 

“Thank you for understanding my absolute brilliance!”

“God you’re a nerd.”


End file.
